swings and roundabouts, reoccurant thoughts

"Just as the ripples on the pond that is my mind begin to settle and the early morning mist begins to be burnt away by the early morning sun. I begin to see clearly now as a new day rises."

I am a very strong believer in the saying that hard work clears the mind, a remedial task allowing the mind to switch off and sort itself out as the body executes the task. For me that task is rather oddly cleaning the kitchen i dunno if it's because i clean kitchens so often at work or what but it does seem to help.

I came out if it having thought of a new plan for a party at my house and feeling rather good. I was out with Paul in Manchester the other night and we got chatting about this and that and the conversation struck upon a subject that bothers me, i hate loose ends, a great plus of the recent party was that i seem to have sorted one of them. Argueing with people for me is one of those things that happens, it's a fact of life unfortunately, but that doesn't mean i have to like it. I fall out with people only because i have to and i'll freely admit that it does become one of those reoccurant thoughts as i strive for sleep at 3am. But that doesn't necessarily mean that i think i was wrong.

What has all that got to do with the opening statement, well a brick has been dropped into my tranquil water; why was it done? Pettyness? spite?? i'll leave that to you.

Clarkey

It's been a while.

I'm writing having had a rather good few weeks, a classic easter break, the party at Scott's even if remembering most of it is a little difficult.
Then back up to leeds to glorious sunshine. It's nice to at long last have some bright and sunny weather. Not too hot and not too cold. If only it could be like this all the time i'd be a very happy man.
Over the last few weeks i have realised just how much as a person i have changed since the start of uni. Musically i'd now happily shoot all "indie" bands that are multiplying like rabbits at the moment. I hate this commercialisation of a genre of music, big music companies seem to just buy up every indie band from Leeds of Sheffield at the moment, much to my frustration because usually there is a reason for them not making it, i.e. they are shite! Furthermore all these indie bands just go for the big riffs and explosive ideas like bands such as Razorlight who i still have the upmost respect for, without first gaining the respect of the crowd. I also would love to ask them when reverb has become a good thing in gigs.
Aswell as enjoying more "metal" than i would usually admit to, i'm not the type of person to condone screaming as a musical ploy infact that isn't what i like to listen to at all but the musical profficiency of some of those bands is absolutely fantastic.
I think one of the stand out things about this year at uni has been realising that it's who i am that matters and everyone else can go to hell, if you don't like me because of this then it really doesn't matter, what's more is that you realise who are the cool people and who are plebs thinking they are cool. Hopefully i fall into the N/A category because i'm just me and hopefully i'll always just be me.

Clarkey

New Born

Muse

It has been quite a while since i last wrote and god i have tried to do it, i've started a few times and never been able to find the spark that usually makes my writting flow.

I am glad to report though that the spark is back! YAY!

Since about last wednesday i've been in a shockingly good mood, it's amazing how far a positive attitude goes to making you feel better.
Of late things seem to have got back on track, my jobs at Smithills and Mine are becomming more interesting as i'm making progress again learning new skills and haven't been suspect to the stupid errors which have dogged a few of my shifts; the stupidty was opitimised by sending out a cheese and pickle sandwich without the Cheese, i'm never going to live that one down.

I seem to have regained my old spark, for the first time in what feels like months i've found getting up in the morning easy and with work starting to come thick and fast both academically and in my jobs the old pressure is on, god how i've missed it.

To those i shall see this weekend on my return to Bolton i say "see ya in a bit"
To everyone else, i will see you when you return and the first round is on you!

There is always a new horizon.

I will not try and recount the events, the jokes or the great experience that was Joshua Tree. As i think that will only detract from the experience, it is however enough to say that it was the trip of a lifetime, totally unforgetable and to the people who accompanied me on it i say a huge "thankyou."

That said and the jetlag starting to fade, i am set looking for a new focus, a new challenge.
I intend to make the most of my life, the world is a big place, my time on this big marble is limited so i may aswell make the most of it.

So what is the new horizon?
I have decided to sort a trip abroad out hopefully to Spain or France climbing during Easter which will be an experience being the first expedition launched without the organisation and supervision of school.
But Easter is a fair way off so i must consoul myself with destinations a little closer to home, i'm thinking the Lakedistrict and Kendal indoor wall. Not to mention the compulsary Manchester Climbing Centre trip.

So i raise a glass to new Horizons!

Clarkey

Welcome my poor misguided fool.

It's a slightly adapted Starsailor song title.

Well it's 3:40am so about time for a post from moi. Tonight has been ace, my flatmate Andy has finally pulled someone of worth, i've had a fashion update and my view on life has been improved. Although i seriously envy Doug my fellow chef and drinking partner who manged to pull on successive nights out, lucky git.

Anyway, having reached my flat safe and sound it was time for another one of me and Andy's chats about life. The topic of conversation was uncertainty and to a lesser extent change. It seemed to complement my own thoughts of late quite nicely, as i have been pondering the way i view myself alot lately. The years seem to pass by very quickly and the way i consider myself doesn't seem to be able to keep up. I don't see myself as any different from the James Clarke who was in year 11 three years ago. But then again i am reminded more and more of late that i have changed. I see people getting stressed about being in Sixth Form and exploring the new experience, somthing that i enjoyed and became an experienced hand at, i am attending Smithills' christams party this Sunday to find myself as "the old crew" with the newbies thinking i am new, not knowing i am one of the longest serving chefs at Smithills. All this is strange, i'm 18 but feel so much older, without changing from the James who was in year 11. Strange or what?

But has this "old head on young shoulders" idea helped me? i think not.
I am still in pretty much in the same boat, one of my previous posts was about fear, i may have preached a no fear attitiude to love, unfortunately i do not practice what i preach. If ind myself telling Andy "yeah of course you should ring her." But in reality would i do the same? I find myself remined of a couple of Meatloaf Albums the first being "Bat out of hell," the second being "back into hell" do i return to hell? the rewards are great but is the risk of getting burnt to great?

Clarkey

Dark Dull Days.......

Hello to one and all,
recently the dull november days have got me a tad depressed, having thought about myself and how i view my own image, i have come to the conclusion that i still think i am the same person who was in year 10, which really wasn't that long ago, but at thee same time i know i'm different. I see others walking the same path doing the same things as i did "in my younger days."
So as i usually do in my own hyper way, i've decided to come out swinging, it's time for an update!

Anyway i'll let everyone know how this develops.

Clarkey

Anyone up for a migration?

I was thinking, winter in England is quite frankly SHIT!
It's not cold enough to provide meaningful snowfall and it's dark early.
I say that the whole country move to warmer climate (hopefully minus the scallies)
Or atleast a place like Whistler in Canada, where we will get some proper snow.
These are the rantings of the logical maniac!
Support the campaign!

Ups and Downs, Security and Everything Else.

The usual formula for my rantings seems to be falling into place, once again it is at the unearthly time of 2:30am that i write this piece.
Tonight/this morning (depending on your point of view) i find myself questioning what is happening to this marble we all live on. Having been contending with a horrid cold caught off my fieldtrip that seems to have got the better of me and prevented my original idea of an early night and turned my throat into a biological battleground, i have just recieved the terrible news that Chris has had his laptop stolen by some little bastard Scallies. This is absolutley shit news for anyone, when coupled with my own experience when earlier this week two Scallies tried to steal my phone, it makes me wonder what is happening to this world of ours? I am rapidly forming a view which maybe a little extreme but i think you will agree with when you think about the scale of this national investation. My view is, why hunt foxes? when we could put all those dogs and shotguns to much better use setting them on the Scally population? A good old fashioned mass murder of the Burbery (not burberry as thats the real stuff, they like the fake stuff off the market) loving arseholes would do wonders for this country, think about it massive drop in benefit applications, massive drop in crime, what more can anyone ask for?

In other areas things do not seem much better, the cries of the threat of global warming and climate change are growing louder and more concerning, especially now i look into the problem in much more detail. Meanwhile oil companies make record profits and Bush and Co seem to be commited to procurring oil from a military campaign, (Iraq anyone?)
Next on the hitlist seems to be Iran which i would whole heartedly be against on the behalf of common sence, why go after a nation with Nuclear and Biological weapons?
I know they can try and argue the idea of morality, but they have been exactly the same way for decades and quite frankly no body really cares. The same excuse was used for Saddam but especially looking at the result of the war, i have come to the conclusion that; he may have been an evil, immoral dictator but what he did do was keep that area relatively stable. By the invasion of Iraq we probabley created 1000s or even 10 000s more suicide bombers and people now hate the west, extremism grows in uncertain times and so surely has the ranks of terrorist organisations.

Next is a piece of information that quite frankly shocked me when i heard it, Asda (part of the "Walmart family") is now tagging it's employees in it's stores so that it beeps when they are still for over 2 mins. How i wonder in a supposedly Labour Government (who's whole reason for life was to represent the working population in parliment) can allow this to happen is quite beyond me, still further the NHS is taking more steps towards privatisation with it's instutions slowly being sold off one by one under the pretence of modernisation.

At this point i must point you into the direction of a lecture i had recently which seems to apply to this present situation: the lecturer was talking about famine and disease in geography, his argument centred along this idea that the potential of a disaster increases after the ability to adapt to arrising situations descreases. Applying this model to current climatic and economic conditions and the pessimistic idea worries me further, in a world with mega corporations controlling governments, where everyone is expendable, where job security is a thing of the past where we have an embittered middle east who kill indescriminately where is the ability to adapt?
Imagine a situation where:
Work and job insecurity means that holidays and benifits are slashed, the government whose best interest it is in to keep the corporations happy let this happen along with new legislation that under the disguise of cutting red tape but actually do nothing but further aid the corporations and route out it's competition by making life more difficult on the small independant businesses.
With the privatisation of the NHS people no longer have the right to free healthcare. It is widely accepted that state pensions are not going to be able to be paid for by the government when it comes to our retirement, the government are already taking measures to increase the retirement age. Meanwhile many private pension schemes are run by companies who have got rich and then provided nothing for the poor soul who invested in it.
So here we have Bill who has worked for Asda for shit pay all his life under the unfair working conditions, he was bought the major corporations products, the coke which has trashed his teeth the McDonalds which has left his arteries clogged. Now he is reaching retirement with no money to afford healthcare, no pension, how is he to adapt?